It has been a challenging few months.
Marshall is two.
When Jess was born I felt like I lost my best little friend. Marshall withdrew from me and seemed unhappy for a while. Knowing that this is normal didn't take the sting out of it. He and I had been inseparable for almost two years. I left him with other people less than a dozen times in those two years-no joke, so you can imagine our attachment.
His turning two has not been fun either. Again, knowing he is acting normal doesn't lessen the ever changing struggles and stresses of having a child this age.
Forget the "reality" shows that sensationalize hard jobs that people do! Let's see a crab fisherman keep his cool with a tired (because he refuses to nap), hungry (because he refuses to eat), screaming (because he's tired and hungry) toddler who just deliberately woke up the baby after trashing the kitchen you spent an hour cleaning and removing his diaper before releasing the trouser trout to swim on the newly shampooed carpet because company is coming.
But yesterday, I got a glimpse of something
WONDERFUL,
something MAGICAL!
I can see the day coming soon when we will play and learn and talk together. This thrills me! The magic is coming back to the mothering. It is new and different. It is easy to feel the magic with a newborn or a squishy goo-gooing baby, but to have it with a two year old takes work.
We have been playing blocks everyday for a week.
Each day he throws them less.
Each day he creates a little more.
Each day we fight a little less,
and each day a little more light shines on the future.
We are building together-ness.
2 comments:
Enlightenment is so bright when you have been living in the illusion of dimness. Congratulations on your breakthrough with M! Now you can be grateful for that broken toe. It brought with it enlightenment! °Ü°
I feel you there, my Zander just turned 2 and it has been a tough 2 years, he has been my hardest baby by far, and I admit that a few times I internally muttered "what did I get myself into having another baby" but after he nearly died of a drug overdose (at his babysitters house) we found a new bond, I prayed and begged god to save him, and I would be patient, and it worked, every day I look at him with nothing but love.
I am happy Marshal is coming around, 2 can be such a fun age!! and he is darling.... and so big, I can't believe he just turned 2!! (zander turned 2 in May and stil has not got to 20 pounds!)
Lots of love from Show low,
Jen
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