Friday, May 27, 2011

Turn, Turn, Turn

"And when true simplicity is gained, we'll bend and we'll bow
and we'll not be ashamed.
To turn, turn, turn will be our delight, and by turning, turning,
we'll come 'round right."
Simple Gifts-Shaker Hymn

I left my blog alone for over a year. Life became very intense and scary stuff consumed my attention. I couldn't write anything because I needed both my hands as I was holding on by my fingernails. During that time I learned important things, helpful things, that have changed my life. I like to say I've been in Universe Law School. There I learned that there is nothing in my life, (past, present or future,) that has come uninvited. The good, the bad, and the ugly have all been of my own creation. With this understanding, and the past year's crash course in "how," I look forward to bringing happier experiences into my life.

My current creation is our big move out into the desert. It is a step toward my dream of having an off-grid farm. Getting out of a cramped neighborhood is delicious! I wake up every morning and a grin creeps across my face and settles in for the day. There are no neighbors calling an HOA because they can see my grape arbor above the fence, or for having weeds among the rocks in the front pathetic-excuse-for-a yard. No more dirty looks because my kids are playing too loudly. The only solicitors knocking on my door are scorpions looking for crickets.

Our new house is huge and sits on an acre of land. This is an area of State Trust land with free range cattle. Many mornings we have to shoo cows away from the house. Since I don't have my garden planted yet, this is still great fun. We are slowly putting up a fence. Many of our neighbors have horses, but we will stick with mountain bikes for a few more years. The horse folks share their 50 Year Trail with us. I try to ride everyday.

As soon as we feel settled, part two of my dream will begin. Homeschooling the boys has always been the plan. Charlotte Mason's approach to education resonates with me the most and should fit seamlessly into our lives. I will write about that experience, soon.

As I write this, I sit in wide-eyed (near) disbelief that this is all coming to fruition. It was not so long ago that life was down right scary. Thank God I did not give up. Thank God I did not give in.

A year ago, as I walked in my neighborhood on the asphalt streets, I would close my eyes and imagine the crisp crunch of decomposed granite and sand under my feet. I would glance at the overly manicured HOMOGENIZED landscaped yards and trade that vision for the "wildness and artifice" of the untamed desert. The smell of exhaust was replaced by the invigorating scent of fresh desert rain. Revving engines gave way to Gamble's quail couples summoning their chicks.

All this I lived before I lived it.

Monday, May 16, 2011

Desert Spell

Two dozen ghost faces stared down at me from the sun scorched slope. I froze in my tracks with a gasp before my mind could tell me what my eyes were seeing. Floating skulls with black eye sockets shot a wave of seemingly shocking calm energy through me. We stood stock-still, looking at each other. Under my breath I whispered, "Oh! You're beautiful!"

Only the white faces and dark eyes of the herd of wild burros before me were visible against the rocky hillside. Time stopped, sound stopped. I felt the souls of these old desert wanderers. I quickly wondered where they found food and water, wondered who took care of them. My heart was instantly pierced. No one. They needed no one. I wanted to be with them, to run, to be free, to hide in plain sight and stand self-assured when discovered.

Slowly the spell lifted. One by one they broke away on their journey over the hill crest, without me.

where is everyone?